Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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