1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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