How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize