It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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