my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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