If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I pour the whiskey from now on
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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