I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dicks are not precious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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