I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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