your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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