My hand turned me down
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize