Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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