Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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