I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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