dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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