Plan B is the new Plan A
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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