i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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