I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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