It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What a dumb baby whore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize