Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize