You're so nebulous sometimes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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