I heard we made out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
