Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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