I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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