Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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