Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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