we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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