Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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