i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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