Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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