I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i love accidental penises.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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