We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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