He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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