I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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