I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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