Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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