im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I puked a lego.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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