After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize