your parents love me but you hate me
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize