do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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