Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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