When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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