I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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