That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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