To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize