he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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