He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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