why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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