Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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