Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is the high leading the old right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wear drunk well.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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