I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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